Dancing on our own

It seems like we’re going 1,000 miles per hour every day – and it doesn’t look like things are slowing down any time soon. ‘Tis the season of birthdays, anniversaries (including our own), Spring holidays, and vacations. Of course, work is ramping up, too – making blogging on the regular a little tough.

While we’re crazy busy together, with dinner parties and staycations and vacations and appointments (for ourselves and the puppies, who are [for an unknown reason] due for shots all at once, poor things), we’re also keeping ourselves busy individually. I’ve thought a lot about the importance of pursuing your own hobbies in a marriage lately. I think that’s done a world of good for us – not only as a unit, but when it comes to developing our own unique selves.

Married people can’t – I dare say, shouldn’t – do everything together. Sure, there are millions of married people on the planet, and I’d say some of them probably function just fine attached at the hip, but in most instances, there needs to be some separation and some space. Being able to stand on your own two feet, I think, is a recipe for a healthy self-worth – which helps the marriage (or coupleship) overall.

In my life, we’ve found our individual places pretty organically. Prior to our marriage, I lived a couple of states away – so, when we were finally together, in the same house, I thought doing everything together just made sense.

Meals? Together.

Gym? Together.

Grocery shopping? Together.

You get the idea. And, as you’d imagine, it quickly became a lot of work to coordinate schedules and haul our partner out of the house when one of us inevitably just wasn’t feelin’ it. Our journey toward individual space started that way – especially when it came to errands. If I were around, I’d just run to ShopRite for our groceries, shooting a text to ask for his must-haves. It was just easier that way.

A few months into our shared life together, we found ourselves in different places, on different nights. Pat plays club sports, like softball and basketball, and takes guitar lessons. I take a night class, and meet up with a friend at the spin studio every week. It just kinda started, and it just kinda started to make sense.

We really try to make time for dinner together, every night – that’s still important to us. If Pat eats at work, or I’m just starving by the time he comes home, then we do a little co-fending for ourselves. And that’s OK – learning to be flexible, I’ve discovered, is all part of the process. No matter what, though, we always try to keep each other up-to-date on our schedules – I know when he’s going to be away at night, and vice-versa, so that we can plan accordingly. It’s giving me the time to pursue some things I’m really into – like, say, spinning – that I know Pat probably wouldn’t enjoy as much; at the same time, he gets to develop his musical side (I’ve always maintained I don’t “have” a musical side) and get quality friend/activity time with club sports.

As we careen into this year’s anniversary, I’ve glad we’ve found our rhythm. Hopefully, in the next year, we’ll learn even more that we can share.

‘Til next week,



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